From the corner of my eye a glint of light reflects and catches my eye. I turn to see a shirtless man sitting in the sunlight with his back turned to me. I am mesmerized by way his hair catches the light. His hair is closely cropped with trimmers and there is just a bit of stubble on the back of his head but he glows and glistens in the sunlight. His shoulders are tight, rounded and sun drenched. There is a hint of red showing through which by days beginning the following morning will be a dark bronze. I know his beauty before I even gaze upon his face. The shape of his head, the way he holds his body, his neck. A man’s neck. I wanted to see him up close – a rarity. There is beauty everywhere! One is rarely lucky to see a monarch butterfly up close. It flies, it flits and flutters. It teases us and we chase it for a closer look but it bounces and bobs leaving us breathless and with a sigh of exacerbation we give up seeing it up close. As I approach this man, I muster my bravado. I gather my courage. I bound by him confidently so I won’t miss my opportunity to catch this beauty up close. As I pass my treasure he looks up and locks eyes with me. He has the intensity of Medusa! My insides freeze. I try to keep my bravado up but my courage is now gone and my confidence is waning. He doesn’t move. I can approach him and look upon the details of this enigma that is awaiting me and I flush with excitement to see him and with trepidation, I begin to approach unsure of the outcome of such an adventure…
It has been said that there are people who can walk into your life, change it and then walk back out like “nothing happened at all”. I invited tweek into my home. It affected many parts of my life, if not all of them from my BF to cleaning the house. From eating to health. And even after tweek had gone, I can still feel it working its charm elsewhere. Always there. Flirting with me. Tweek is like that lover who knows he is good sex. He KNOWS that you like him. He KNOWS his pull on you. He knows you are in love with him. And what does he like best about all this? He likes to be chased down and had….he won’t come to you!! Just like tweek!
So one day the tweek is gone. Unceremoniously dumped or in my case with ceremony. Your life moves on and you begin to clean away your lovers old shirts left behind the bed. Clues that got lost in a drawer. Your friends begin to ask about your boyfriend/tweek. Where is he? He will be at a party this weekend. Reminders are everywhere!
Perseverance pays off.
Your broken heart begins to mend and you pull it together, putting your life back together.
But tweek sneaks around. It hides in corners at parties. It leaves tell tale signs in bathrooms, clubs, and parks. Tweek repeatedly and endlessly begins to hound you and show you that you aren’t the only one. (But you can be!!) Tweek leaves a trail of broken hearts (I gotta get him back!) Broken lives (We can change!) and broken spirits (We will make it different this time!!). They are everywhere. All the while, tweek knows you will come back with just the slightest inhale of its aroma.
My resolve is strong and tweek still continues to lose.
Suddenly, without warning, into your life walks a current lover of tweek. With your current distance and resolve you can see clearly why you made a mistake. Tweek tricked you. It is dangerous! You have brought the danger into your home! Your lover knows you will come back to tweek. You share your insights with your lover…your revelations but still tweek takes him away. Even though you haven’t seen the tweek or touched it, once again it is has left you a mess in your own home.
I understand tweeks power to be greater then I knew. It still affects me without being in me, near me or around me.
And as I gaze into this beautiful man’s eyes and see the quarter size pupils and hear his halted and stuttered speech, I realize that tweek has tricked me again. Seduced me. Tried to make me come back.
Tweek came into my life and changed it so much. So dramatically but left with nary a word as if nothing occurred at all.
But it lurks in the corner.